I don't even know where to begin. There are so many different things going through my head right now.
Be prepared, it's long =) Sorry ahead of time for the rambling and babbling and this post being in no particular order.
One year ago today, my life changed forever.
Growing up I never did like roller coasters. Going up and down, back and forth, upside down, being jolted left to right. Man oh man what a roller coaster I have been on the past year, good days, bad days, up and down, back and forth, upside down, jolted left to right, highs and lows, the peaks and valleys.
Ever since she passed away I haven't slept good at all. When I wake up things pop in my head and stay there for a long while. I keep thinking the same things over and over and over and over. The 'What ifs,' 'Should of done this,' 'What would life be like with her?, thinking about specific days in her life or the ups and downs or just flat out crying quietly (not to wake Dan). Each time I wake, tossing and turning, I hear in my head, "PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!" And pray is what I do. An hour or so later I finally fall back asleep.
Some days I question every single thing I've so easily believed in because up until now, those beliefs have never truly been challenged...and now that I have been and am challenged to believe what I say, it's not as easy some may think.
How great is our God? I am hurting and broken, yet He still sends me in so many different ways His compassion and His love through songs, scripture, poems, others who have lost children, and many other ways. Every day there is something He shows me.
I know God didn't intend for this to come between us. Only for me to understand and draw me closer to Him. He will draw me out of this darkness and be filled with His light. I can chose to follow my Creator or chose for my faith to go somewhere totally different. This crossroad I am at is critical and every decision is important. I have my 'follow my Creator' days and my 'I am upset with You' days (on those days He really shows up).
OKAY.. I'm starting not to be able to see this screen because of the tears.. So I leave you with these last few things (if you are still reading thus far).
The most amazing person I've ever met..ADYSON LEA CHERAMIE. She wasn't on Earth for long, but she changed the lives of many. I am in awe over her and feel blessed and honored God chose ME to be her mother. Yet, at the same time my heart aches and longs for her constantly. BITTERSWEET
An angel in the book of life wrote down our childs birth and whispered when she closed the book, "Too beautiful for Earth."
Dear Lord, I was going to sit my daughter on my knee and tell her all about You, but I never got the chance. So will you sit her on Your knee and tell her all about me?
She lived. She breathed. She changed us.
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proberbs 16:9
The Lord will fulfull His purpose for me. His love endures forever and He will not abandon the works of His hands. Psalm 138:8
Remember Ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. (Isaiah 43:1)
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
(I borrowed this poem from a lady I met through FB. She lives in Australia and lost her daughter two years ago)
Happy 1st Birthday
We wish we could see your beautiful face
We wish you were here today
We would laugh, play and sing Happy Birthday
Tearing the wrapping paper off your toys
playing with all the girls and boys
Just learning to walk, we'd see
But all these things aren't meant to be
You're spending your birthday in heaven above
So, all we can do is send our love
Release some balloons, eat cake and pray
To celebrate your birth and the life they couldn't save
Try and try as they may
You're not with us today
We hope heaven throws a party so grand
And helps us all to understand
Today as we recall your birth, we smile
And be happy you were with us for a while
A life short-lived, gone too soon
We sing "Happy Birthday" as we send a balloon
We send it up and far away
In hopes it reaches you today
For with it we send a wish with love
Have a Happy Birthday In Heaven Above.
I'm sure those Angel's voices singing you Happy Birthday was outstanding!!
Mommy, Daddy, Konner and Rivers love you and today we will celebrate YOU!!
(stay tuned for a post of how we celebrated today)
P.S. Thanks to everyone for the emails, text, cards, phone calls, Facebook messages.
Be prepared, it's long =) Sorry ahead of time for the rambling and babbling and this post being in no particular order.
One year ago today, my life changed forever.
Growing up I never did like roller coasters. Going up and down, back and forth, upside down, being jolted left to right. Man oh man what a roller coaster I have been on the past year, good days, bad days, up and down, back and forth, upside down, jolted left to right, highs and lows, the peaks and valleys.
Ever since she passed away I haven't slept good at all. When I wake up things pop in my head and stay there for a long while. I keep thinking the same things over and over and over and over. The 'What ifs,' 'Should of done this,' 'What would life be like with her?, thinking about specific days in her life or the ups and downs or just flat out crying quietly (not to wake Dan). Each time I wake, tossing and turning, I hear in my head, "PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!" And pray is what I do. An hour or so later I finally fall back asleep.
Some days I question every single thing I've so easily believed in because up until now, those beliefs have never truly been challenged...and now that I have been and am challenged to believe what I say, it's not as easy some may think.
How great is our God? I am hurting and broken, yet He still sends me in so many different ways His compassion and His love through songs, scripture, poems, others who have lost children, and many other ways. Every day there is something He shows me.
I know God didn't intend for this to come between us. Only for me to understand and draw me closer to Him. He will draw me out of this darkness and be filled with His light. I can chose to follow my Creator or chose for my faith to go somewhere totally different. This crossroad I am at is critical and every decision is important. I have my 'follow my Creator' days and my 'I am upset with You' days (on those days He really shows up).
OKAY.. I'm starting not to be able to see this screen because of the tears.. So I leave you with these last few things (if you are still reading thus far).
The most amazing person I've ever met..ADYSON LEA CHERAMIE. She wasn't on Earth for long, but she changed the lives of many. I am in awe over her and feel blessed and honored God chose ME to be her mother. Yet, at the same time my heart aches and longs for her constantly. BITTERSWEET
An angel in the book of life wrote down our childs birth and whispered when she closed the book, "Too beautiful for Earth."
Dear Lord, I was going to sit my daughter on my knee and tell her all about You, but I never got the chance. So will you sit her on Your knee and tell her all about me?
She lived. She breathed. She changed us.
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proberbs 16:9
The Lord will fulfull His purpose for me. His love endures forever and He will not abandon the works of His hands. Psalm 138:8
Remember Ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. (Isaiah 43:1)
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
(I borrowed this poem from a lady I met through FB. She lives in Australia and lost her daughter two years ago)
Happy 1st Birthday
We wish we could see your beautiful face
We wish you were here today
We would laugh, play and sing Happy Birthday
Tearing the wrapping paper off your toys
playing with all the girls and boys
Just learning to walk, we'd see
But all these things aren't meant to be
You're spending your birthday in heaven above
So, all we can do is send our love
Release some balloons, eat cake and pray
To celebrate your birth and the life they couldn't save
Try and try as they may
You're not with us today
We hope heaven throws a party so grand
And helps us all to understand
Today as we recall your birth, we smile
And be happy you were with us for a while
A life short-lived, gone too soon
We sing "Happy Birthday" as we send a balloon
We send it up and far away
In hopes it reaches you today
For with it we send a wish with love
Have a Happy Birthday In Heaven Above.
I'm sure those Angel's voices singing you Happy Birthday was outstanding!!
Mommy, Daddy, Konner and Rivers love you and today we will celebrate YOU!!
(stay tuned for a post of how we celebrated today)
P.S. Thanks to everyone for the emails, text, cards, phone calls, Facebook messages.
1 comment:
I have been keeping up with your blog since your little girl was sick. I think someone had posted a prayer link or something on facebook and it had your blog link. I have never commented before but for some reason feel compelled to. My heart hurts for you and your family for your loss, and I know a day like today wouls be awfully difficult I have a 4 year old and could never imagine the pain you feel. Your sweet Adyson has changed the lives of many people!
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