Comment brought to you by: The Kon Man

"It's a beautiful day for church, Mama."

Little Critters

I have always been terrified of frogs. I mean seriously freak out, run far away and cry if a frog got close to me or if I walked up on one. This morning I get up and the first thing I do is head towards the toilet only to reach it and this little, nastly, ugly, slimmy frog JUMPS out of the toilet and sits on the seat. I scream as loud as I could and ran and jumped back in bed. You know those great boys that I was talking about in one of my earlier posts.. well they just laughed. Konner didn't even come running!! I am going to teach him that when Mama screams, he HAS to come running to check and make sure everything is okay. =) Dan called him in there to see and then he got it and put him outside. Scary thing is, I got up at about 5:30 to use the restroom (being pregnant you are up peeing all hours of the night) I just wonder if that sucker was there. Thank the Lord he didn't jump out then. I don't turn on the light when I wake up in the middle of the night.  GOOD MORNING to me!!!  

18 weeks

Yesterday I had my 'big' ultrasound where they measure the baby and make sure everything is okay and Dr. Whittington (Chicago) wanted them to look for specific things such as enlarged placenta and whatever else. Everything looked good and he is right on track. He weighs 8 ounces. When the nurse told me this, it really hit home. You always hear about babies being born premature and a few ounces to a few pounds and you think "Oh my goodness. How tiny."  Being in the NICU for so long with Adyson and actually seeing these babies that are ounces big and their skin is transparent.. man oh man. Anyways.. right after the ultrasound, I had my regular appointment. I still haven't gained any weight, which is a concern.  I have been worried, concerned, anxious about all of this and really haven't had an appetite.  I am on strict rules to eat more calories and those protein bars (which I have been eating).  I need to stop worrying so much and do this for this baby. 

Yesterday also was the beginning of my weekly treatments. I was suppose to get a PICC line (more permanent IV, so I wouldn't have to get pricked every week) but the Radiology team had meetings. We rescheduled for next Tuesday. This I am nervous about too. It's a bigger, longer needle that I know will hurt going in. I am worried about keeping it clean throughout this 4 month process and flushing it and making sure Konner is careful around me. I was talking to my best friend, who is a nurse, yesterday about it and she was asking me if they were going to put me to sleep to do it?? And she also shared the wonderful news that it's like a foot long!!! Thanks, Christy!! Good way to ease my nervousness!! =) If Adyson can do it, then her Mama can do it!!!!

Once last thing before I go-- I just want to thank you all for the encouraging words via texts, phone calls, emails. I really appreciate it.  There have been many times I pick up the phone to call some of you, just to put it right down thinking 'They are busy and I don't want to bother them with what I have.'  I love you all!

Here Lately

I cannot begin to explain the emotions that have consumed me these past few days.  I know, I am pregnant and hormones change and emotions go wAcKy. But I am so overwhemled with missing Adyson, sometimes it just may be ridiculous. I fall asleep crying, wake up crying, do housework crying, type this crying. There are times I feel like I am loosing my mind. At the end of the day I hope to get in bed to get rest, but she consumes my thoughts. I need more than physical rest. I need my mind to stop thinking:"You should of done this." You should of done that." What if we did this?" or "What if we did that?" Regret this and regret that and blame yourself for this and blame yourself for that. A constant struggle, some days worse than others. It took all I had to change the heading at the top of this page.

Here I sit, 18 weeks pregnant with another blessing from above and I haven't gained any weight and don't feel like eating at all. I make myself eat and when I do it's not much, I get full fast.  I have continued to eat the protein bars that my doctor told me to eat.  The only thing I can drink is water because everything else leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. If you see me out, you will see me with my Singing River Health System water jug I got from the hospital when I did my first treatment. 

my breakfast bowl: (for cereal)

My friend wants to throw me a baby shower sometime in November, but I wonder if she should. Will he be ok? Will he have Neonatal Hemochromatosis like his big sister? Will we be bring him home to use everything?

I decided to have a yard sale and try to get some money to buy Rivers some things. So, I have been going through Adyson's room and putting prices on them and separating the sizes (0-3, 3-6, 6-9, etc, etc)  There is still a few things missing from the picture (baby blankets, bedding). At first I thought, "This won't be hard, she never used any of this." Boy was I wrong! I didn't get emotional putting it all in the bags, I actually felt good about it being I could sell it and have money for Rivers. But the more I look at it in my living room, the more it gets to me.

out with the pink

in with the blue

What keeps me smiling? These three boys:

There is never a dull moment in this house. From Dan's hard work so I am able to stay home (which has it's struggles) to Konner's laugh and dances and songs he comes up with and his comments, and Rivers tiny kicks, through all the heartache, grief, emotions there is always blessings to smile about. 

I was crying this morning and Konner asked me what was wrong and I told him that I missed Adyson and he responds so tenderheartedly by saying, "It's ok, Mom. Remember she is in Heaven. Smile. Smile. Smile"

I was talking to my brother the other day and he asked when I am due and I told him on the one year passing of Ady, he said, "I think that's God's way of saying 'THANK YOU' for letting me use Ady to touch so many people's lives and for His glory." 

I have recently been reading a book in the Bible called Lamentations. Lamentations is known as the 'book of tears.'  Jeremiah is grieving and in the midst of that grief he finds hope in God.

Tragedy happens to good people and not all Christians respond by going to their knees and reaching for their Bible's. Sometimes we travel a journey on a long, weary, dark road before we see the light of God that has His hand out waiting for us to grab ahold of it and to never let go again. 

Like the saying in my heading:

DON'T MISS OUT ON A BLESSING BECAUSE IT ISN'T PACKAGED THE WAY YOU EXPECT IT!!

 

Last year of Pre-School

Today we went shopping to get Kon's school supplies for his LAST year of preschool. Just seems like yesterday it was the start of preschool. This whole month I kept waiting for the information about this upcoming year, the schedule of events and the supply list to come in the mail. I was excited at first because this is the first time we were able to shop for school supplies. On the other hand, it was sad for me. This is my babies last year of preschool before he starts Kindergarten. I know this year is going to fly by and the next thing you know we will be shopping for Kindergarten supplies.  There will be lots of photos taken and tears shed for his last year of preschool.  I will cherish and hold onto every minute of this year. It will also be the last year of just us three. (not even a year) I don't want this year to go by fast at all. *tears*

Slideshow generated with Smilebox

Dressing

This morning, Konner and I were planning on going to the library to return the book and movie we got last Friday, get some more, and bring Dan his phone that he left here this morning.  Konner is at that stage where he is Mr. Independent, likes to dress himself and doesn't want help in the bathroom, etc. I am very proud of the him..Well, this morning I told him we were going to bring Dad his phone and go to the library and that he needed to go get dressed. Much to my surprise, he comes in the living room with his Braves jersey and his baseball pants ready to go =)     

Gives Me Hope

Ran across this website this morning.  Don't know if I am just overly emotional since I am pregnant and other things going on in my life, but I cried. 

http://www.givesmehope.com/

Getting a sweet letter in the mail from Children's Health Care of Atlanta six months after Adyson passed away from all the PICU staff saying how they still think of us and are praying for us. Doctor's and nurses that really, truly care about people (Adyson just wasn't a 'patient' to them) and their family GMH.

What Gives You Hope??

Library

Today I took Konner to the library for the first time. In preparation, I told him that we have to be quiet and whisper when we are in there and that the library is a place you can check out books and movies but have to return them after a few days. His comment to me about bringing them back was, "Mama, boys don't take things back. They stay at this home with us."  HA! Off we went and he was very quiet and picked out a Bob-The-Builder movie. I got me a book by Karen Kingsbury called 'Waiting for Morning.'  She is a Christian writer and I have actually seen her speak at a woman's conference and have heard all her books are awesome!!

Adyson's First Birthday

September 19th is Adyson's first birthday! To celebrate her life, I would like to ask y'all to write a memory of her life that sticks out more to you than any other, or something Dan, myself or Konner have said or done or a scripture that comes to mind. Did we meet because of Adyson? Whatever comes to your mind? Make it a sentence or make it a paragraph (or two or three; I know some of you too well). =)  If you know someone else who would want to write something, pass this on. Feel free to be creative too.


You can send it to me via email (kcheramie05@yahoo.com), regular mail (11500 Mount Pleasant Rd; Vancleave, MS 39565) or Facebook. I am going to put them in a memory/keepsake chest that I have.

Thanks for your participation. It will mean alot!!

2nd Treatment

This morning I went for my second IVIG treatment.  I was only at the hospital for four hours this time. Way better than six and a half that it lasted the first time  =)  The next treatment I have will be at 18 weeks and will be weekly til I am 35 weeks. When I go back in two weeks for my treatment, I will go to radiology to have a PICC line put in. This is just a bigger IV which will stay in for the remainder of the treatments so the nurse will not have to poke me every week to put a new IV in. They will also show me how to take care of it. 

As for me and Kasen-- Kasen is growing the way he should be. I, on the other hand, have not gained any weight. Doctor's orders is for me to get some healthy protein bars and eat two a day to help me gain weight.

Thanks for all the prayers! Stay tuned for more updates =)

What's Jesus' number?

I bought a book a few months ago for Konner that is filled with letters from God. In it He says how He has a plan for his life, He chose Konner to do something great for His kingdom, and He understands our angry and to cry out to Him and bunch more. The letter I read him last night was about God having a plan and a purpose for his life and the bible verse it quoted was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I think it is no coincidence that this is the verse that is at the top of our blog and also on the Southern Belle shirts we had made for Ady. I believe God was speaking to me because He knows what a hard time I am having. Anyways-- back to the point of this post =) After we got threw reading the letter from God, our conversation went something like this:

Konner-- "Mom, I wanna talk to Jesus, what's his number?" (I giggled)

Me-- "He doesn't have a number. Great thing is we can talk to Him and God anytime of day or night we want as many times as we want."

Konner-- "I want to talk to him 52 days a week."

Me-- "There are only 7 days a week, but you can for sure talk to Him however many times you want."

Konner-- "Am I gonna see Him one day."

Me-- "You have to ask God into your heart to save you from your sins and live for Him."

Konner-- "Then I will get to see Adyson and play with her?"

Me-- "Yes you can baby. I know she would love that."

Konner-- "Okay. That sounds fun."

He then went on to say his prayers, which always touches my heart.

Good to know that my son is learning something about God and how He is THE WAY although the world will try to tell him otherwise. BUT our God is oh so POWERFUL and WILL win in the end!!

Boy oh Boy!!

Yes, it is true, another Cheramie boy is on his way!! We found out yesterday. I am only 15 and a half weeks pregnant. When the doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex we said yes. He was starting the ultrasound and Konner was saying, "Where is the baby?" "There is a big head right there." He is so excited to have a baby brother on the way! Of course we were praying for a girl, but we will love him just the same. A healthy baby! The name we are leaning towards is Carson Rivers (not sure on the spelling of 'Carson' yet). I only had one request and that one of the names have 6 letters since Konner and Adyson both have 6 letters. OCD I know =) So now onto looking for bedding and redoing Adyson's room. Which will be absolutely hard for me. In no way will this baby replace her, but it will still break my heart to take down all her clothes in the closet and out of the dresser and name on the wall. I am sure there will be a few okay alot of things I will be keeping. This next journey God has put us on will be bittersweet, but I cannot wait to hold this little guy in my arms forever!!! I go back to the doctor next Tuesday and then sometime next week will be my next treatment.

P.S. If any of you know of someone who recently had a boy, we will gladly take hand me downs.