I wish you would not be afraid to mention Adyson. The truth is, just because you never saw her (only about 5 or 6 people did) doesn't mean she doesn't deserve your recognition.
I wish that if we did talk about Adyson and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning her. The truth is, I need to (and often want to) cry and talk about Adyson with you. Crying helps heal.
I wish that you could talk about Adyson more than once. The truth is, if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten her and that you do care.
I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about Adyson. The truth is, I love her and need to talk about her. Although she was only with us for 4 months, she was a big part of my life. I think of her everyday!
I wish you could tell me you are sorry Adyson has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is, the memory of Adyson, the love I feel for her, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for her are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too, but please understand that it's not all like that. These memories will never go away and I will always think ‘what if’ or we could/would be doing this or that with her.
I wish you wouldn't pretend that Adyson never existed. The truth is, we both know I had her growing inside me for 8 months. You can’t just forget that like it never happened.
I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you ‘think’ I should be. The truth is, grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently. I am not the person to shout it out to the world. It stays right here within me.
I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm ‘over it’ or if I have a bad day that I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is, there is no ‘normal’ way for me to act and I will never be ‘over it’.
I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is, loosing Adyson doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away, you make me feel isolated, confused and at fault for something I had no control over.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be ‘over and done with’ in a few weeks, months, years or ever for that matter. The truth is, it may get easier with time but I will never be ‘over’ this.
Adyson’s due date, birthday, the day she died and I’m sure Mothers Day, are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter that you are thinking of me (and Adyson) on these days.
I wish you understood that losing Adyson has changed me. The truth is, I am not the same person I was before. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values.
I wish you wouldn't tell me that I can have other babies. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace Adyson. No other baby will take the place of Adyson. They are not intercahngeable. I have my days where I want another and don’t want another. I don’t know if I could deal with this again. There is a 80% chance that if I get pregnant again the baby will have NH. Although there is treatment that is VERY effective.
I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about Adyson or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are, I'm dealing with enough as it is.
I wish you wouldn't think that you should keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.
I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous, angry and sad. Nevertheless happy for them and their new joy.
I wish you wouldn’t automatically assume that I am fine because I say 'I am fine' or 'I am doing good.' I am not the kind of person to call you up and say “I need company. I am having a bad day.”
Psalm 138:8
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me, His love endures forever and He will not abandon the works of His hands.
3 comments:
Hi, my name is Kristen Dailey. I too lost my little girl, she was 3 months old. It has been 5 years and you are so right...you never get over it, but I will tell you this, you learn to live with it. I don't mean you will ever accept it, but just live with it. I had everyone of the things on you "i wish" list too. I know there are no words to make you feel better, but please know that I am truely sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. No parent should have to bear this.
Wow! I think that is pretty awesome! We lost my baby brother when he was 5 hours old. I was only five at the time, but he has always been there, been a part of our family... and every year on May 12 (his birhtday), I call my mom and we talk or cry or just sit there in silence, her remembering David and me wishing I had the chance to know him.
I hope someone does this with you... and i hope that everyone close to you reads your words and lets them soak in...
C. Chesser
i wish that when i stood next to you in the park that i would not have felt like i shouldn talk to you because truth is i never knew you or ady i wish i just would have stopped being afraid to even say hello i stood there and just watched you taking endless pictures of konner and some little girls he was playing with i wish that i could stop cryin so i could see how to write this i wish that if i ever see you again i could just open my mouth and not be afraid that i will offend you by any means thank you for this post i needed it
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