Thoughts, Feelings, Ideas

I woke up this morning with LoTs on my mind and I need to get them off my chest.

1. Removed for respect of others :)

2. I knew loosing Adyson would be hard. Most of our friends have girls and Kon LOVES his Makenzie, Madison and Livi Grace. Knowing we will not be able to dress Ady up in all her cute clothes, take her to the beach in her cute bikini she has, take pictures of her and Kon, put princess clothes and high heels on her, tutu's, make-up, do her hair, nails, toes; take her to dance, watch her play t-ball, and the list goes on. All this stinks!! I know God has a plan for us from here on out, whether it be for us to have another child and go through the preventative treatment from Dr. Whitington or just for us to have Konner.

3. KONNER-- Child life sent us home with some pointers/help on how to help children at different age levels to cope with loosing someone. I was reading it the other day and it said to use words like 'dead' and died'. Me, personally, do not like these words. They sound so harsh. We prefer the word 'passed away.' And that is the word we use. Here is our prayer and conversation last night:

Me- "Dear God, we just want to pray for our families and friends.."

Kon- "and baby sister, Madison, Makenzie, Livi Grace and the twins (Mad & Mak again) and Adyson..."

Me- "please keep all of our friends and family safe and for Mom and Dad and Konner to have sweet dreams.."

Kon- "and baby sister, in Jesus name I pray, Amen."

Me- "Adyson passed away and is as healthy as can be in Heaven with Jesus. She isn't in the hospital anymore."

Kon- "I want to go to Heaven and be with my baby sister."

Me- "You can!! All you have to do is invite Jesus into you heart and whenever God says it's your time to pass away and be with Him you can play with her all day long. I know she will be so excited to see her big brother."

Kon- "When she see's me she is gonna say, "Konner Daniel Cheramie! Gogo dada, gogo dada, I'm so glad your here!"

Me- "That's going to be a great day!"

I hope conversations with him are this easy for now on. We will continue to tell him she is in Heaven and she is looking over us and awaiting our arrival.

4. I want to help our family out and bring in some kind of income while staying home with Konner. My parents told me a long time ago that they would pay me to clean their house. So I will probably do that. I also may watch a kid or two during the week also.

5. August of last year, I started back to school. Ideally going to be a teacher so I could be with my kids and I really did like it when I subbed a few years back. Unfortunatley, I did a medical withdraw when Adyson was born so I could focus on her and helping the doctor's get her better :) I do want to get my degree and I will.

6. Throughout this journey, I have joked about writing a book. Here lately I have been seriously thinking about doing it. I do not know where or how to start, but I will look into it.

7. Neonatal Hemochromatosis is a VERY RARE disease that studies are still being done on. Last night I was talking to Dan about starting a foundation to raise money to help fund the research so that we can learn more about NH and how to test babies for while in the womb. As of right now they just have preventative treatment. There is not a way to test for it. In the next few days I will be emailing some people to find out more.

8. I just can't bring myself to make a header with a picture for the top of our blog. I spent about an hour or so yesterday trying to make one. I hate the fact that Adyson can't be in our family pics for now on. I will have to be creative.