5 years old

Dear Konner,


I KNOW that I am not going to be able to write this without shedding an abundance of tears. That’s your Mama for ya =)

Unbelievable that you are now 5 years old. How does the saying go? You now fill up one full hand of fingers? Something like that.

I cannot begin to imagine how it must be to lose a sibling at the young age of 4. What you are feeling? What you think? How you feel? How hard it is for you? My heart aches for you just thinking about it. I know it’s hard for you. You even said one time about Rivers going to Heaven too. And sometimes you even think she is still in the hospital and Dad and I have to remind you that she is in Heaven with Jesus. Even going shopping and you see a ‘girl’ toy or outfit, you say, “We need to get that for Adyson.” My prayer is that you will know one day that there is a purpose and plan for everyone. God chose our family for this journey He has taken us on.

I love how you still pray for her at night. I love how when you are asked to draw a picture of your family, she is there. I love how just the other day you brought home a Christmas tree you colored at school and you said Adyson told you how to color it. I love how she is still in your heart and I pray she will stay there. I love how you comfort me when I cry and sometimes you cry with me and Dad. How you ask to fly an airplane to Heaven and see her. Oh, how I wish we could!!

Here is a poem I found and thought it was fitting (some parts anyway):

A CHILD’S GRIEF


Mommy, Mommy I need to know,
Why did our baby have to go?
Is that how come you became so sad?
And why my daddy became so mad?
Where is heaven, I sure want to see?
The place where our baby had to be.
My little heart breaks and I want to cry,
Because it is so sad and I am not sure why.
Why couldn’t we tell Jesus no
That she had to stay here and she couldn’t go?
What is her spirit and how did it leave?
How did her body stop working, please answer me.
Can we go to heaven and visit today?
Why is the answer always some other day?
When will the time come that I can finally see,
The baby that you had promised me?
I want my baby and I want her now.
You can bring her home mom, let me tell you how.
We can go to the Dr and ask him once more
To give us a baby, one we will adore
Or we can go to the cemetery
and just dig for her there
I saw the box that you put her in,
I can find it I swear.
Last but not least, we can always ask our Lord above,
To give us back the baby that we so love.
Either way you go about it, you know what to do,
You are my mom and I trust in you.
Please don’t cry mom,
I will give you a hug and a kiss.
And I will try to understand mom I promise you this.
Just be patient and kind it’s not easy for me.
It’s hard to understand
why our baby just couldn’t be.

Mary Nelda




You and Dad have been on this ‘best buddy’ kick lately. Y’all call each other best buddy, not Dad and son. The first thing you say to Dad in the morning, “Good morning, Best Buddy!” or coming home for lunch or work, “Hey, Best Buddy!” I admit, it makes Mom jealous. I even asked you if I was your best buddy and you told me, “No, only boys can be. “ I love to sit and watch y’all play with the DS or Dad’s Ipad.

Although you and Dad have this great relationship, so do you and I. For whatever reason, you like for me to bathe you, brush your teeth, bedtime story, and prayers. When Dad does it, you say, “I want Mommy to do it!!” Before your naptime, you say, “I can’t fall asleep without a kiss from you, Mommy.” Or if you are by me napping, you like to hold my hand. You will always be my lil man and I know you will always take care of your Mom!!

It’s amazing how much you have changed in a year, not only physically but personality wise. Your imagination continues to grow. Dad and I love to listen to you play with your toys and how you ‘act them out.’ You can definitely come up with some stuff.

A few things you like: dinosaurs, color changing hot wheels, airplanes, army men, zhu-zhu pets, your hamster, coloring, drawing, and lots more.

You are patiently waiting for your little brother’s arrival. I know you are going to be a big help to Mommy and Daddy.

Remember what I also say—Lean on the Lord. He is ALWAYS with you in good times and in bad. He will guide you. Some things may not make since to you, but they will reveal themselves in time. He has a purpose for your life. Trust in Him and keep your faith and things will fall right into place.

We love you sweet boy!!

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY!!!