Three

It's been a while since I have wrote anything about our sweet daughter/sister Adyson. She is always in the front of my mind and emotions. Thank you to all of you who acknowledge her in some way. That means so much to me. And without effort.. the way it should be.

These past few months I feel like the magnitude of what we have been through sinks deeper and deeper. Perhaps it always will feel like that. I can't begin to explain how grief feels.

There have been situations here lately where people have said we have two boys.. only acknowledging Konner and Rivers. Or I hear, "Be glad you don't have a girl." That throws me for a loop. I am sure no one means to be hurtful, but just cut my heart out and stomp all over it why don't ya.

Adyson was very much alive. She grew inside of me. She lived. She breathed. She moved. She grew outside of me. She ate. She smiled. She pooped. She peed. THREE full pregnancies and all  THREE deliveries I have been through. No one knew Adyson like I did.

These feelings will never change. Some days I feel like they are getting worse and I can barely go on. The Lord hears my cries and He will never tire of listening to them. Praise Him for that!!

I often ask "Why, Lord? How can this be?" Until we are all together/complete as a family of five in Heaven, then it will be ok. When I get there, I will know why and God's purpose for all this. Oh how I am homesick for Heaven.

Hard to comprehend with the smiles, giggles and sounds of little feet running in our home that my heart aches for her so badly. I want like anything to have pink clothes, tutus, dresses, bows, jewelry and everything else that comes with having a girl in my home. How easy it is to see what I don't have, but so gracious to my Father for what I DO have. If Adyson had not passed away, Rivers would not be here. Praise Him for that too!! =]

My days of grief, sadness and sorrow are not over. They will never be over.

Me, Dan and our THREE kids

This is my family of 5.