Undecisive

I am an undecisive person. I cannot make a decision for the life of me. I like for others (mostly Dan) to do it for me. This is something I am working on. It's ridiculous really.

What really sticks in my mind and keeps me up at night is Adyson's life. There are somethings/decicions I could have done different. If I did those things, would she still be here? Some of those things I will NEVER tell a sole about. I just can't bare to get it out of my mouth. Guilt is what I feel. The devil is real good of reminding me of these things too. And recently, he has been lying to me about some things-- my friendships, my marriage, being a mom. It is real easy to get in a depressed mood. Obviously last night, when I was feeding Rivers, these thoughts consumed me and here I am getting it off my chest. 

Last night (early this morning really) when I was thinking about what I was going to write it sounded alot better in my mind. HA! I should have just got up and wrote. But I didn't and it is what it is.